Let's Talk Perfection: 9 Things to Remember When You're Trying to Be Perfect
UPDATE 2.28.18: After the first two months of 2018, I decided to revisit this post and remind myself of a few of things written here. While doing so, I updated some of the content orginally posted. Enjoy!
Every once in a while, on my quest to be the best version of myself, I get super stressed because it is not happening right. this. instant! That is when the self-doubt and negative talk start creeping in.
"You're hips are too big."
"Nobody wants to read what you're saying."
"OMG is that a bald spot."
etc. etc. etc.....
After a few days of really being down in the dumps, it dawns on me what has been happening. I have been trying to be perfect and have stopped just trying to be present. That is when I go through the checklist of why my life is so fucking great.
- I have a house to live in.
- I make decent money.
- My husband loves me. (Well most days!)
- I never go hungry.
- I can afford the things that matter to me.
- I have a group of really great friends.
Because sharing is caring, I wanted to share with you some of the things that I try to remember when I start comparing myself to others. Hope you enjoy!
9 THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN TRYING TO BE PERFECT
The grass isn't greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it.
I think that this is by far the most important thing to remember in your life. It is amazing to have goals. They are necessary to move forward in life! But do not become so bogged down by what you don't have. Instead, start focusing on what you do have.
Over the course of my very short 28 years I cannot tell you how many things I wanted to be when I grew up. A lawyer, the first female president, a sailor, a political science major, a sorority girl, a fashion designer, a Victoria's Secret model, etc. etc. etc. Those things did not happen, and I don't foresee my current lack of political career taking me to the White House one day. But do you know what I did become in the last 28 years? A high school graduate, a Marine, a friend, a wife, an entrepreneur, a businesswoman, a confident woman, a woman who is not afraid to speak up, and so much more.
I bet that some of the things that are checked off on my list, others wish that they had. And guess what? I've taken all of those things for granted at some point. So what do I do when I start wishing to be/do something else? I stop and take a minute to really absorb my surroundings.
I know this sounds kooky but stick with me. Stop and close your eyes and take a deep breath. Remember that life is good. You're alive. Find a few things that are going right and hold on to those things until the things that are going "wrong" work themselves out.
I am a firm believer that everything works out and everything happens for a reason. Trust me, trust yourself, everything will work out. Put the effort into what you want to manifest in your life and it will come. But it does take effort, and patience, and practice, and the learning can never stop.
Overthinking. Man, if there was one thing in the world that I wish everyone would stop doing it is overthinking. Seriously! First, because it takes the fun out of EVERYTHING. Maybe I don't think over important decisions enough sometimes, I admit, but I can think on the fly. Just jump. Just do it, as my friends at Nike say. What is that you want to do? Do you want to move? Change careers? Dye your hair? Do it. What is holding you back? You are the only person in control of your life and if you don't take the jump, who is?
I've never been much of an overthinker, so this one is actually pretty easy for me. But as this article is supposed to give some form of advice on each of these points, here it is: Make a pro/con list. Think about it for an appropriate amount of time. Then leap. Dive head first, be scared, then learn to fly. It is scary. But the rewards are worth it. Trust me.
Nobody is perfect, even if they appear to be.
Ladies and gents, stop comparing yourself to someone else. Please, I beg you! You have no idea what someone else is going through, especially if you don't even know them. We are all guilty of this but it is a no-good, waste of time. Instead, let's focus on what we love about ourselves and our own lives. Or, if you see something about someone else that you just love, work hard to get it. That's the key, hard work. Do you want nice legs? (Yes, I do!) Then work hard, eat right and they'll come. Do you want a new career? Find out how to get there. Who do you need to contact, what does your resume need to contain? Research and then do.
Also, remember that the "perfect" person that you're idolizing probably has things that they wish were different in their life too.
This is it. You are living right now. This second. Now this one. (You're not getting that last second back.)
Psssst, I have something to tell you. Are you ready? This life that you're living right this very second, it could be it! Morbid, I know. But until someone can actually prove that reincarnation is real, this is it. Let's make the best of it. Take the trip, quit your dead end job, shave your head... whatever it is you want, just do it. (Nike really knew what they were doing with that tag line.)
I was at a BBQ a few weeks ago and I was talking with a very nice couple and the topic of travel came up. I was saying how sometimes I feel guilty because I want to travel more but I feel like I need to work harder. They looked at me and said, almost in unison,
Do we really want to look back in 60 years and feel like our life wasn't fulfilled? I don't. Book the plane tickets, have fun, no regrets.
P.S. My goal for next year is to take a week long vacation. 7 consecutive days doing something fun! Any suggestions?
Do it right now. Doesn't that feel better?
What is it about a smile that just warms your heart? Every time that I start getting bitchy and start thinking how the world is out to get me today, I smile. It makes a world of difference, even if it's only for a few seconds. Practice smiling. Incorporate it into your daily life. Wake up and smile, brush your teeth and smile, drive and smile, etc. It's just like that part in Eat, Pray, Love when the medicine man was telling Elizabeth Gilbert to smile even in her liver. Is your liver smiling?
Remember that tomorrow is a new day.
Tomorrow is a new day and nobody is better than you. Both of those things are very important, but especially the latter. Nobody is better than you and you are not better than anybody. Every single person is created equal.
If you start to feel intimated by a person or situation, stop and think about why you feel that way. I can bet that it's not the situation/person that is intimidating you, it is probably your own insecurities. That is when you need to grab your confidence and fake it 'til you make it. And, if today you get intimidated or you fumble something, tomorrow is a new day.
Other people's opinions of you are none of your business.
Period. End of story. I was about 19 or 20 when I started repeating this to myself daily, maybe even hourly. I used to have severe anxiety and I was a hormonal teenager in the Marine Corps. My life was very stressful, especially when I was constantly worried about what other's were thinking of me.
How did I overcome this? I repeated to myself, "other people's opinions of me are none of my business" ALL OF THE TIME. I'm not kididng you, every time I would feel anxiety coming on, I would say it. I would say it when I woke up in the morning. I would say it before bed. I would look myself in the eye in the mirror and say it.
Another trick, stop gossiping. Do you want people to talk about you behind your back? I didn't think so. When you stop contributing to the white noise, it disappears. Leave the negativity at the door and if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. Because that is the courtesy that we would want other's to extend to us.
This one will take time, but I promise it is worth it. Repeat it every day. Stop gossiping about others. One more thing on this one, if your friends start telling you something that so and so said about you, stop them. Just say, I don't want to hear it. If it's not good/positive, then I don't need to know. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.
Money is fleeting... and you can't take it your grave.
Money is stressful. Boy oh boy is it stressful. But when you have the option between take out and a night out, choose whichever one is going to bring you the most joy. Or when you have the option between a trip with your friends or your cable bill, cut the cord. I'm not saying that you should dig yourself into a pile of debt, but I am saying figure out how to make it work. Grab a part time job so that you can enjoy some of the finer things in life, like a Five Guys burger!
The point is, you have to live and don't let your money woes hold you back. Life is going to keep moving forward regardless. Plus, there are many jobs out there that you can do from your home for some extra income. Or sell your old stuff on eBay, Poshmark, Craigslist, your local Facebook exchange, etc. Just think of all of the money that is sitting in your closet or garage. Purge and reap the rewards!
You can read about my experience selling on Poshmark here.
Surround yourself with good people.
One of my favorite things that I have ever read was a quote that said,
How true is this? Surround yourself with people that contain positive characteristics. And it's ok to say goodbye to that toxic friend. I promise that it's not the end of the world.
Remember that all of these things take time and you are not going to be the best at something the first time that you try. But that doesn't mean that you can't be the best one day. You're never to old/young to start. Once you set your mind to something, just do it. Jump in head first and learn to fly on your way down. Do you have any tips on how to live your best life? Comment below and let us know!
THIS POST MAY CONTAIN AFFILIATE LINKS. PLEASE READ MY DISCLOSURE FOR MORE INFO.
Books to remind yourself how good life is:
THIS POST MAY CONTAIN AFFILIATE LINKS. PLEASE READ MY DISCLOSURE FOR MORE INFO.